I lost track of my why—until writing this post brought me back

Over the past six weeks, I’ve started making content to promote my new coaching business. I wanted to share my thoughts on leadership, overcoming common life stressors, and insights into how I’ve been using meditation to help leaders move through emotional blocks. The first time I posted a TikTok video, I sweated about it for a week. Literal sweat btw, not metaphorical—my wife Vika can attest to it. I rewrote the script 10 times, did about 15 video takes, and then bit my lip as I published it.

All that stress and effort got me about 500 views, but it was enough to get me rolling. Since then, I’ve stuck to the plan: a video a day on TikTok, two posts a week on LinkedIn, all centered around ideas I genuinely believe in. But somewhere in the process of trying to get more eyeballs and figure out what the algorithm wants, it started to feel a little hollow.

I lost track of why I started this. I got caught in the routine of drafting, editing, posting, trying to frame ideas so they’d resonate, and in doing so, I drifted just far enough from my center that something felt... off. Not dramatically. Just this quiet flatness beneath it all. Like I was building something that looked aligned, but didn’t feel alive. And strangely, it wasn’t until I sat down to write this post—this one, right now—that I remembered what I’d forgotten.

For a while, I thought maybe I just needed to be more vulnerable. But even that felt like another "strategy." Like if you try too hard to be authentic, that in itself becomes inauthentic. I couldn’t quite name the disconnect, until last night, it hit me: I forgot why I’m doing this in the first place.

I didn’t start making content because I wanted to be a content creator. I started for two reasons. First, because writing and communicating ideas is a great way to refine my thinking, and I want to test my ideas with others. Second, because I want to spread the mission. The mission that meditation and emotional surrender increase your capacity to lead people and organizations, and to live life wholly and authentically aligned.

How I got here: I found the jhana meditation technique last December in an online retreat. I trained as a facilitator and have since run a few of my own retreats. I started coaching CEOs and founders with the technique—and it’s been working extremely well. Now I want to spread the message that meditation can change your mindset and life in ways that are hard to even imagine until you try it. My goal is to help as many leaders as I can.

And my why is this: I believe this meditation practice is going to change the world. It’s a superpower that’s lived on the fringes of human society for thousands of years, and it’s just starting to spread.

Most people don’t understand what meditation is. The common idea is that it’s sitting in silence and getting frustrated when thoughts creep in. That’s what I did for five years until I learned a technique that transformed my practice from what felt like a chore into an internal experience more powerful than psychedelics, emotionally healing, and deeply transformative. It helped me face the biggest challenges in my life.

It is my calling to participate in its spread. I feel it deep within me.

And my current project—Sanctum, and our “meditation inspired exec coaching” (I might need a better name - lmk suggestions!)—is just one application of the technique. One that I think is working well. But in whatever form this meditation technique gets expanded around the world, I believe this practice will drive an evolution in human consciousness. The benefits are so profound: clear-headed peacefulness, emotional stability, resilience. You just feel so much healthier. Growth happens effortlessly. I think it’s one of the most important things happening right now, and it’s not talked about enough, especially as AI takes up all the airwaves. The jhanas are real. They’re the most important tool in my toolbox. And I want everyone to have them. (For an overview of the jhanas, check out this article by Nadia Asparouhova)

This practice—what I now integrate into executive coaching—has changed everything for me. It’s helped me access a depth of peace and clarity I didn’t know was possible. And it’s doing the same for the people I work with. It’s helping them move through fear. It’s giving them steadiness in the middle of chaos. It’s rewiring the way they lead and live. And I don’t say that lightly.

Because the truth is, I’ve known what it feels like to lead from fear. I’ve run a company while feeling like my insides were burning. I’ve achieved the outward markers of success while feeling disconnected from myself. I’ve spent years mastering the art of holding it all together. And I know how much energy that costs. This practice gave me a different way. Not one that’s always easy, but one that’s true. And that’s what I want to offer—the coaching I wish I had when I needed it most, when I was in the depths of the toughest leadership challenges.

So if I sound like someone on a mission, it’s because I am. I think this work is one of the most important things happening in the world right now, and not enough people are talking about it. We’re all out here optimizing productivity and performance and mental health—and I think we’re missing the root. The root is peace. The root is clarity. The root is the ability to sit with the most uncomfortable parts of yourself, the parts you’ve been avoiding, and learn to love them.

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So here’s my takeaway after rediscovering my “why”:

I don’t have it all figured out. But I’m walking the path. And I want to walk it with people who feel that same pull—who know there’s more, who are tired of white-knuckling their way through leadership, and who are ready to find another way.

I’ve got a few coaching spots open right now. If this resonated, I’d love to hear from you. You can reply directly to this email, or if you’re curious you can book a free intro session here.

Also, I’d genuinely love to hear what landed for you in this. Hit reply if something resonated, or even if you just want to say hey. I’m building this for people like you. I read and reply to every response.

Lastly, I hope you take a moment to remember your why. It’s easy to forget. But when you remember, everything aligns into place. Clarity emerges.

With love

Ahmad